Relena's Reflection
by SuzySteamboat
Summary: Some insight ( my opinion ) on why Relena is the way she is.


Warnings: Um, maybe slight angst  
  
*. . .* indicates thought  
  
  
Relena's Reflection  
  
By Weißabe  
  
  
*Foolish girl,* they say. *Running around like a headless chicken after a suicidal walking time bomb. . . living in her own idealistic fantasy world and confusing it with ours.*  
They couldn't understand.   
He represents everything I am against. . . he fascinates me. If I could just turn him around, set an example. . they would realize pacifism CAN happen. If I could turn the most cold-blooded, stubborn soldier into a pacifist, then I surely could do anything else. They'd have to give me a chance then.  
I'd never been a fanatic about pacifism until my father's death. . . my grief turned to dedication. I WILL make my father proud, his death won't be in vain! My ultimate goal, the reason I walk this cruel earth. . . to achieve total pacifism (1). Because when that happens, Father will live forever in it's memory. He will never die. . .  
I'm willing to do anything, ANYTHING to stop this madness. I can't stand what it does to people. THIS MUST END AT ANY COST.  
Heero is the perfect example of the horrible realities of war. He is only 15, like me. . . his soul should not be so empty, his life not be so violent. He, and all the other children of war, should be worrying about their next dance, not their next battle! Look at what this war is doing to us! To innocent children! I want to help all the Gundam pilots, but Heero is the most disturbed. If I get to him, I'm sure the others will follow his example. It's up to me to try and stop this madness, to save the broken souls of this war.  
What kind of horrible dreams must a soldier toss and turn through night after restless night? How many prayers do they whisper during their final moments? It can only end, peace can only be achieved, when each and every means of violence and destruction has been banished; when every trace of cruelty has been wiped off the face of the universe. Because where there is a soldier, there is battle, death, and ruined spirits. Where there is a weapon, there is a reason to have it and someone to use it on.  
Total pacifism. . . NO defense, NO offense, NO weaponry, NO violence. . . will have completely erased any of it. There will be absolutely NO reason to do ANYTHING harmful.   
Where there is war, there is Hell.  
But. . . I can't win, can I? I'm fighting a hopeless, one-sided battle. All because of this foolish instinct to fight. It seems I'm the only one alive now who doesn't have it. Why, why can't these people fight this unnecessary will to fight? Why can't they see how selfish it is to ruin countless lives, to cause violence and rebellion, bloodshed and pain, simply to fulfill their own urges?  
I will continue to strive for total pacifism. . . and I will lose. But humanity truly has no hope if no one tries. As long as I hold my own, there will continue to be the slightest sliver of a chance that one day, I will inspire someone to try again, hopefully in better times under better conditions, to stand up for humanity once more and try to cancel these wills, these urges to be violent.   
I will lose in the end, but that will not stop me.   
  
  
  
(1)- I think people sometimes forget that Relena is but a 15-year-old girl, and all the stress of war, especially to a representative of pacifism, could easily affect her mentality. People show grief in different ways. . . I don't know what I'd do without my father, especially if he died in such a cruel way. . .   
  
As for Relena's obsession with Heero, I have something to say about my opinion of the Relena/Heero pairing. I think that, after the war, they could easily be friends. However, I really can't see them being romantically involved unless Relena's attempts to make Heero pacifist succeed, and even then, Heero just wouldn't be HEERO if he were. He's going to retain many of his personality traits after the war, it's the way he is. Opposites may attract, but. . . a violent boy and a pacifist girl? Somehow I can't see that working out. I also really don't think Relena would be able to understand Heero the way his fellow pilots could. I mean, she could be there for him, but she really wouldn't GET it. I think she could be a caring friend, easily, but romantically. . . no. Now DUO, on the other hand. . . ^_^ I could go on and on, but I've bored enough of you already, so I'll stop ranting. . . for now. Ja ne!  
  
  
  
  



End file.
